Relief washed over Geiger Corrections Center on Friday when thehuman remains unearthed by Division Street construction workers weredetermined to be from a graveyard dating back to early Spokanesettlers.
Administrators had been worried that the corpse might have beenyet another escapee from their minimum-to-no-security prison west ofSpokane.
"It seemed pretty far-fetched the more we thought about it,"conceded an unnamed corrections source. "Like, why would anybody goto the trouble of digging out of Geiger when you can pretty muchwalk out the front door?"
Geiger getaways have reached such epidemic proportions that:
-- Inmates may now request meals in "to-go" boxes.
-- "Geiger Defections Center" T-shirts have replaced shaving kitsas the top selling item in the prison commissary.
-- Northern Quest now offers free casino shuttle service from theGeiger parking lot.
-- The prison just held its first Geiger Escapees Reunion (classof last March).
No one seems more dazed by the turnover than Geiger director LeonLong.
"They want to see their boyfriends or they want drugs and all ofa sudden bam, bam, bam, people are taking off on us," said Long in aSaturday Spokesman-Review story.
Under normal circumstances, a prison director will only utter thewords "bam, bam, bam," to mimic the happy sound of guard gunfire.
At Geiger, however, the words "bam, bam, bam" mean only onething:
The slamming of an exit door.
If the escapes continue, I'm afraid insensitive inmates willbrand poor Leon with one of those hurtful nicknames.
Geiger isn't a prison - it's a bed and breakfast.
Geiger logs more departures than the STA Plaza.
Geiger has become such a disgrace that it's beginning to take abelly-laugh lead over Spokane Mayor Jim West's Internetindiscretions.
Two women - Jaymie C. Fowler and Amanda George - were the mostrecent inmates to say goodbye to Geiger.
They went over a fence last Wednesday in an area Long called a"weak spot" although the director could have been referring to hisauthority.
Although George was caught quickly, Fowler as of Saturdayafternoon was still - as the great Merle Haggard once sang - "on therun, the highway is my home."
In lieu of racking up high overtime hours looking for her, Geigerofficials have offered Fowler free HBO and cell-service happy hourif she'll "please, pretty please" come back.
I've always had grudging regard for the prison escapes you see inthe movies.
I love it when a clever con sculpts a lifelike dummy out ofpapier-mache and then leaves it in his bed to fool the screws.
How can you not respect the inmate who can turn a bar of soap andsome shoe polish into a perfect handgun replica?
Then there are the cagey jailbirds who find their way out of theslammer by hiding in a sack of dirty prison laundry or worming theirway through stinky subterranean sewage pipes.
But leaving Geiger? That's about as complicated as calling atravel agent.
Geiger needs to plug the holes. But how?
I offer a simple 3-Step Penal Plan:
1. No more pole vault privileges in the prison yard.
2. Take bus schedules out of the weight room.
3. Stop hanging "Escapee of the Week" photos in the cafeteria asa morale builder.
"We're trying to get some respect from the public at Geiger, andthis doesn't help us at all," Long observed to a reporter afteranother Geiger inmate fled while in custody at the public defender'soffice.
You can certainly see why this man gets the big bucks. If hecan't keep his prisoners from taking so many powders, I think I knowwhat that nickname will be.
"Long Gone Leon!"
Doug Clark can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or by e-mail atdougc@spokesman.com.
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